Baby it's cold outside.....

Today it is absolutely frigid....well, it is for Oklahoma. My parents lived in Alaska for years, if it felt like 6 below there it would just be a pretty spring day! :)

The weekend was incredibly busy, but fun. Friends birthday parties, sister in law's graduation party, and a church Christmas party. If you need a good laugh get a bunch of adults together to play dirty santa that range in age from 23ish to old enough to be the crypt keeper's grandma, and you have the recipe for an entertaining evening!

Last night as Matt and I were getting ready to go to bed, I had this terrible nagging feeling that I'd had all day that wouldn't go away. It just sat on my chest like a huge, heavy weight. It's so strange to me how my mind and heart work. I've prayed for the Lord to make my heart more like his since I have been in junior high, and as he continues to mold and change me, the burdern I carry gets heavier and heavier...... somedays I rejoice in it, and days like yesterday I don't, which I'm not proud to admit. I just wanted to sit it down and take a break from it. I wanted to stop thinking about Ana, and Clara, and the children of Kebebtsehay. I just wanted to enjoy a day with my family and a Christmas party with my church without constantly wondering what Christmas will look like for them this year, and how many hundred opportunities I've missed throughout this season to advocate and love on them from afar. I felt like a fraud. I was sitting here warm, happy, and loved, and have the nerve to be frustrated with a burdern that I have prayed for..... Seems just as horrible today as I type it, as it did when I was feeling it yesterday.

Have you ever been close to tears for hours at a time? That's how I felt yesterday. Like it was almost more than I could bare to carry. When I finally laid down last night, I was thankful. I was thankful that this day of me being selfish and sinful was over, and prayed that tomorrow I would again be thankful that the Lord was molding my heart to look more like his, and giving me an oppurtunity to serve Him through them.

Good news...today I'm thankful.